I'm worn out.
Things have been eating away at me for a while now, and I just can't believe I haven't been proactive about cutting all of those things off of me. I've got some serious problems with my only Grandparents, class work of course, and just general stress.
My Dad has high blood pressure, so he can get pretty damn stressed too, and it's certainly not healthy. I know from experience. I can recall one time that I had come home from a sleepover with my friend years ago and I entered my house, asking where everyone was. My Sister came running down, looking at me with a concerned look in her eye.
"Tata is in the Hospital," She said.
"What- What do you mean?" I was frantic, and I immediately began bursting in tears. For all I know, at my young age, my Dad could have been dying, suffered from a serious accident, or any other cause for hospitalizing someone.
As the tears ran down my face, my Sister hugged me immediately, comforting me.
"He's going to be okay, it's nothing too serious." The stress inside didn't release one bit, but I became rational again. I smeared my tears across my face with my sweatshirt. It was that time of the year where you would where the semi-warm clothes over your T-Shirt and a pair of jeans, usually nothing more. When the snow is nearly done melting, leaving patches here and there and slush everywhere else. A fairly ugly time of the year, gloomy.
As things winded down, I became no less worried. We visited my Dad in the hospital, where we could finally see him. He looked relaxed, and had a wide smile strewn across his face. I couldn't stand seeing him connected to monitoring machines, data-collectors, and IV bags, as it reminded me of my Mom when she was going through Cancer. It wasn't easy for me to cope, and I jumped to my Dad, immediately hugging and him and clenching the sides of his chest. I never believed I would let go, hell... They would have had to pry me off if my Dad didn't tell me to sit down. He's always assertive and respectful, no matter what condition. So, naturally I'll respect him because it was my only job as a kid.
We sat down, and my mind raced with my eyes as I recollected myself and swung my head around the room. I must admit, I did feel a warming feeling seeing my Dad, though it was sort of a mixed-blessing. On one hand I could see my Dad was going to be okay and it was only a minor issue, but on the hand I can see him connected to all of these machines that dying people are connected to, like my Mom did.
She battled Breast Cancer for many years until she finally couldn't take it anymore. She died in 2003, on February 23. We saw her every single day she was in the hospital, though she was able to spend time home when she was healthy. She had been healthy for a long period of her time with cancer, but when she was sick it was devastating. I don't remember a whole from my Mom because she died when I was 7, but I have a pretty good comprehension of her. I only wish I knew more, but I live with the experiences I had with her.
On a lighter and unrelated note; I may be purchasing my own domain name for my blog. This way, I can sure all of my artwork, pictures, writing, and my journal entries. Stay in touch!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
For Those Wondering...
I'm not dead, and I probably haven't been updating this Blog as much as I should. The last time I made a post was in June, I think. Or July. I'm not mentally available right now as education is taking up a modest amount of my time, rendering me incapable of thinking beyond 5:00 p.m. every day.
This year has got a lot of awesome changes coming with it, can't wait to to observe the ever-changing world once again! Though, on a lighter note I just got some new hardware for computer, picked them up from Newegg.com (amazing store, extremely reliable).
)Help! Album cover by the Beatles)
Earlier today, was walking around campus during my free time and some guy came up to me, asking me if I knew how to get to a rather easy to identify intersection. I though to myself, come on man, you can't miss it. How big of an oaf must you be to miss the most busy intersection around here? But then I thought about things from his perspective, how frantic things must be for him in a foreign area. I've felt the same way many-a-times before, so why not cut him some slack?
"Sure," I said. "Follow West Lake and take right, you'll be right on it."
I felt good, helping someone out with a menial task. I often find that helping others can not only benefit others around you, but it can promote strong mental health and even benefit yourself (Granted, helping others shouldn't be looked at from a selfish perspective, you help to assist others!).
I suggest trying to help out with your community as much as you can, you never know what might come around your way in the future. Anyways, what say you Internet?
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Long Days
I woke up this morning at around 6:30, and went to work. Something about the day was just grueling, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Ever had that feeling before?
It was as if I couldn't escape my fears and I was constantly being chased by a dark feeling. I figured I was simply depressed, and I was unable to enjoy the day. To this hour, I still don't know what that feeling was, but it was something different. I have never experienced it before.
I think that people need to enjoy a good day every now and then to relieve stress, which is fairly straight-forward. But- Is enjoying your day enough to relieve stress? Things are bottled up inside of you that can only be released through expression. Be it through words or through actions.
Some, more insane people, choose to relieve stress through anger and hate. I've read about many people that go on shooting sprees, releasing all of their hate on their peers by slaughtering them through the halls of schools. Was it put onto him by his own friends? Maybe... But we can't take responsibility off of each and every person that does something judged by societal law as "wrong".
Take the time to relieve stress through a pillow, or even kick some damn wood with your feet in your garage! I don't care, just please don't bring your anger onto the streets of your city. Happiness goes as far as hatred. Do the actions that you believe will make you a better person, and take it to greater lengths by helping your own community.
Do the opposite, and hate, for it will act as a plague that spreads through every person.
It was as if I couldn't escape my fears and I was constantly being chased by a dark feeling. I figured I was simply depressed, and I was unable to enjoy the day. To this hour, I still don't know what that feeling was, but it was something different. I have never experienced it before.
I think that people need to enjoy a good day every now and then to relieve stress, which is fairly straight-forward. But- Is enjoying your day enough to relieve stress? Things are bottled up inside of you that can only be released through expression. Be it through words or through actions.
Some, more insane people, choose to relieve stress through anger and hate. I've read about many people that go on shooting sprees, releasing all of their hate on their peers by slaughtering them through the halls of schools. Was it put onto him by his own friends? Maybe... But we can't take responsibility off of each and every person that does something judged by societal law as "wrong".
Take the time to relieve stress through a pillow, or even kick some damn wood with your feet in your garage! I don't care, just please don't bring your anger onto the streets of your city. Happiness goes as far as hatred. Do the actions that you believe will make you a better person, and take it to greater lengths by helping your own community.
Do the opposite, and hate, for it will act as a plague that spreads through every person.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Quite The Storm...
The past two days have been brutal. I've been bailing out water from my house, constantly lighting candles, kick-starting my generator, and cooling my food. The Chicago area is practically without electricity, spare the lucky few places that have it. A massive storm rolled through just yesterday.
It was so rapid, I didn't even know what was going on for half of it. I couldn't even estimate the wind speeds and the amount of rainfall in the mere 10 minutes of the actual storm. Surprisingly, the storm ended shortly after it died down (in total the ordeal was about 20 minutes). In that grueling 20 minutes, cars were given the fate of immovable 5 hour traffic, horrendous tree-laden roads, knocked over power lines, and satellite dishes running rapid throughout the sidewalks. I've never seen so much destruction in such a short amount of time, but luckily my area had the weakest hit of all of the areas in Chicago. We are still without electricity and any form of power. The only place I have now is the public library which thankfully offers free internet. My laptop has never been so necessary until now.
I didn't catch much sleep last night because of all of the commotion, so I tried as hard as I could today to maintain a healthy equilibrium by napping when acceptable and exercising when the situation warrants it. I sit here now, at the public library, thinking of how dependent our city is on artificial power. In this case, electricity. Come to think of it, most of the world is consumed by energy. Our drive for convenience will take us far, not only positively but more often than not, negatively. I truly believe the saying "When you really want something, you'll really go after it". It some-what expresses human nature, in a sense.
When a human being goes after something, the prize of the chase is imprinted in your brain. Our mind begs us to catch the prize and cherish it, and to never run out of it. In this case, the race is for the prize of electricity, a very powerful concept. The question that is stagnant; How far will we go to chase our prize?
Surely, we can wage wars and kill for our prize, but is there a better solution? Can we live without electricity (in this case) at all? There must be an alternative, the Universe is infinite and without an end in any direction. With my own electricity coming back (promisingly) later today, I can only hope I find an answer to this question.
Though, it's going to be hard walking back to my home in the heavy rain.
It was so rapid, I didn't even know what was going on for half of it. I couldn't even estimate the wind speeds and the amount of rainfall in the mere 10 minutes of the actual storm. Surprisingly, the storm ended shortly after it died down (in total the ordeal was about 20 minutes). In that grueling 20 minutes, cars were given the fate of immovable 5 hour traffic, horrendous tree-laden roads, knocked over power lines, and satellite dishes running rapid throughout the sidewalks. I've never seen so much destruction in such a short amount of time, but luckily my area had the weakest hit of all of the areas in Chicago. We are still without electricity and any form of power. The only place I have now is the public library which thankfully offers free internet. My laptop has never been so necessary until now.
I didn't catch much sleep last night because of all of the commotion, so I tried as hard as I could today to maintain a healthy equilibrium by napping when acceptable and exercising when the situation warrants it. I sit here now, at the public library, thinking of how dependent our city is on artificial power. In this case, electricity. Come to think of it, most of the world is consumed by energy. Our drive for convenience will take us far, not only positively but more often than not, negatively. I truly believe the saying "When you really want something, you'll really go after it". It some-what expresses human nature, in a sense.
When a human being goes after something, the prize of the chase is imprinted in your brain. Our mind begs us to catch the prize and cherish it, and to never run out of it. In this case, the race is for the prize of electricity, a very powerful concept. The question that is stagnant; How far will we go to chase our prize?
Surely, we can wage wars and kill for our prize, but is there a better solution? Can we live without electricity (in this case) at all? There must be an alternative, the Universe is infinite and without an end in any direction. With my own electricity coming back (promisingly) later today, I can only hope I find an answer to this question.
Though, it's going to be hard walking back to my home in the heavy rain.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Spare Change
It's a damn hot day today, and the heat is almost unbearable. I haven't seen a day like this in Chicago in many a month, and I can safely say I'm happy for the change, despite the heat. I don't boast complaints, but I can assume not everyone enjoys the blistering hot sunlight beating down on us, though I guess we just have to appreciate it as change.
I rode my bike a few miles the other day, circling around neighborhoods and the like, and examining the different lifestyles and the variation between them. I enjoy variation, and I realized that without, our world would be very bland, and we would not have the wonderful things that we have today. Naturally, we humans are accustom to one thing over a long period of time, but for the significant other, change is a welcome feeling. To everyone else, it may seem as a challenge to overcome (which is perfectly acceptable).
Change is symbolic of the living world holding the freedom to do what is desired and build on it, either by improving it or copying it. Living in a place where every little aspect of regular-day life is the same, forever, will surely be a drag. Picture in your mind heading down to work every single day, getting the same cup of coffee, talking to the same people with the same conversations, every day for the rest of your life. It doesn't sound fun, and we would die the same way we lived, which in some cases is a severely negative issue.
Really the whole thing that sparked my creative interest in the subject of change was a pile of loose coins someone left on a park bench.
I guess I have a tendency to think abstractly.
I rode my bike a few miles the other day, circling around neighborhoods and the like, and examining the different lifestyles and the variation between them. I enjoy variation, and I realized that without, our world would be very bland, and we would not have the wonderful things that we have today. Naturally, we humans are accustom to one thing over a long period of time, but for the significant other, change is a welcome feeling. To everyone else, it may seem as a challenge to overcome (which is perfectly acceptable).
Change is symbolic of the living world holding the freedom to do what is desired and build on it, either by improving it or copying it. Living in a place where every little aspect of regular-day life is the same, forever, will surely be a drag. Picture in your mind heading down to work every single day, getting the same cup of coffee, talking to the same people with the same conversations, every day for the rest of your life. It doesn't sound fun, and we would die the same way we lived, which in some cases is a severely negative issue.
Really the whole thing that sparked my creative interest in the subject of change was a pile of loose coins someone left on a park bench.
I guess I have a tendency to think abstractly.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Materialism; A Cancer
I've witnessed the worst of people come out these past few days, whether in person or through the phone. Constant arguing is driving me morbidly insane and here is not a thing I can do to control my surroundings. I got the chance to rest outside today, away from the traffic and confrontation of everyday lives and relax my mind and stretch it thin. I am always thankful when there is a moment where you can, almost indefinitely, freeze the air around you and breath the air stuck in time.
While sitting in my own humble abode, I spent my precious time thinking of the reasons why people are always out to argue. I came to a reason where, in fact, anything will make anyone argue with each other. The most prominent of these variables being money and material possessions between to people(s). I had to come to a reasoning as to why, I could not let my hypothesis sit.
While pondering the vast regions of closed minds, I came to a quite obvious conclusion that humans are driven by the emotion to give-in to a popular force where everyone in their life is consumed by it. In most basic terms, the more people that are in love with materials and seek monetary satisfaction, the more evident the feeling is to accumulate the popular product. In this case, the popular product is consumer goods.
The drive for consumer goods will cause an entire population to wage war on each other, with all different mediums on a scale of intensity. People will wage war with strong, verbose arguments, while others may physically harm another being to achieve their goal in seeking the consumer good. I am never one to point fingers, but it is the extremely rich and wealthy who are viable figures that support my hypothesis.
Though many wealthy families and individuals wind up the way they are out of chance or out of hard work, many rise up to the "Elite Class" through other means. Living in Chicago, you can see the dividing lines very easily between the poor, satisfied, and the extremely wealthy. I have met self-proclaimed legends of Chicago, that built their name through schools and general publicity. These people, when in their prime, are the ones who will be the most competitive to reach a point where they can go no higher, yet no lower at the same time. Chicago is a home to many crooks who cheat the civilians out of their own money and possessions in order to harvest the possessions themselves. Take Rod Blagojevich, a viable example, for my support on this topic.
He lived as the Governor of Illinois for 6 years, in which half of those years he was committing selfish acts against the state he ruled over. Stealing thousands upon thousands of dollars, Blagojevich subjected himself as a corrupt politician with no end to his theft-spree. He had a taste for what it meant to be wealthy, and those around him influenced his decisions which wound him up where he is today. His approval ratings are some of the worst in United States history, he's been to jail on numerous occasions, and he is shunned from the community.
It's like Daoism unleashed it's wraith on Blagojevich, allowing the natural chain of events to unfold and let there world do it's wonders to act on Blagojevich. It just makes me smile, I suppose.
In all natural coincidence, materialism is as unhealthy as one could imagine. In all forms, it eats your soul away until you are nothing but a hollow shell of a human being. You only need what is created through natural means and through true intentions to enjoy the world, and no thirst for possessions will make you change your mind once you realize that there is a world beyond the one in which you live in.
I truly hope to see the feelings of Materialism eradicated before I pass, for the world would be a place without arguments, conflict, and other things. Little by little, solutions stack on top of each other and act as a "force multiplier" in a sense where, once everything is acted on, the divine light will shine on and we can all live in peace.
While sitting in my own humble abode, I spent my precious time thinking of the reasons why people are always out to argue. I came to a reason where, in fact, anything will make anyone argue with each other. The most prominent of these variables being money and material possessions between to people(s). I had to come to a reasoning as to why, I could not let my hypothesis sit.
While pondering the vast regions of closed minds, I came to a quite obvious conclusion that humans are driven by the emotion to give-in to a popular force where everyone in their life is consumed by it. In most basic terms, the more people that are in love with materials and seek monetary satisfaction, the more evident the feeling is to accumulate the popular product. In this case, the popular product is consumer goods.
The drive for consumer goods will cause an entire population to wage war on each other, with all different mediums on a scale of intensity. People will wage war with strong, verbose arguments, while others may physically harm another being to achieve their goal in seeking the consumer good. I am never one to point fingers, but it is the extremely rich and wealthy who are viable figures that support my hypothesis.
Though many wealthy families and individuals wind up the way they are out of chance or out of hard work, many rise up to the "Elite Class" through other means. Living in Chicago, you can see the dividing lines very easily between the poor, satisfied, and the extremely wealthy. I have met self-proclaimed legends of Chicago, that built their name through schools and general publicity. These people, when in their prime, are the ones who will be the most competitive to reach a point where they can go no higher, yet no lower at the same time. Chicago is a home to many crooks who cheat the civilians out of their own money and possessions in order to harvest the possessions themselves. Take Rod Blagojevich, a viable example, for my support on this topic.
He lived as the Governor of Illinois for 6 years, in which half of those years he was committing selfish acts against the state he ruled over. Stealing thousands upon thousands of dollars, Blagojevich subjected himself as a corrupt politician with no end to his theft-spree. He had a taste for what it meant to be wealthy, and those around him influenced his decisions which wound him up where he is today. His approval ratings are some of the worst in United States history, he's been to jail on numerous occasions, and he is shunned from the community.It's like Daoism unleashed it's wraith on Blagojevich, allowing the natural chain of events to unfold and let there world do it's wonders to act on Blagojevich. It just makes me smile, I suppose.
In all natural coincidence, materialism is as unhealthy as one could imagine. In all forms, it eats your soul away until you are nothing but a hollow shell of a human being. You only need what is created through natural means and through true intentions to enjoy the world, and no thirst for possessions will make you change your mind once you realize that there is a world beyond the one in which you live in.
I truly hope to see the feelings of Materialism eradicated before I pass, for the world would be a place without arguments, conflict, and other things. Little by little, solutions stack on top of each other and act as a "force multiplier" in a sense where, once everything is acted on, the divine light will shine on and we can all live in peace.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The Limitless World
The refreshing tune of whistling birds and chirping songs woke me with such a taste for perfection. I shuttered my eyes, open and closed, and the world seemed to be in order yet. I really took the time this morning to enjoy my surroundings and connect to the air, the living, and the inanimate. I really do have a love for all things created, not just nature itself.
I'm not a Shintoist, so I don't believe everything houses a soul, but I do believe that everything created by either man, machine, or the natural world should be respected. Everything around us is built like clockwork and placed in such a perfect spot, that it must be 100% correct to create regular, everyday-life as it is known. If one thing was out of place, things would be much different. Different in an almost unrecognizable way.
I encourage all of my friends and relatives to enjoy the little things in life, because I feel it is all too-common that we take these things for granted.
Surely, we cannot take the time to enjoy every aspect of our world in every moment in time, but recognizing that we need to acknowledge the respect these things deserve is of the utmost importance.
In everyone's lifetime, they will seek humble ingenuity in one form or another. To be a truly humble person, as far as I know from my own experiences, it takes;
It is a very painful and long process, and Buddhists spend their lives attempting to achieve this incredulous feat., but unfortunately it seems it is never destined to happen for them. This may seem like a failed attempt, but the concept itself is a trick!
The Buddha designed this system of Nirvana not only because it was possible, but it was so the world could live in peace and prosperity for eternity. You do not need to achieve Nirvana, per se (at least for every individual), you just need to live the Dharma to help shape the world into a massive sanctuary in itself.
The Dharma is the path that you design and create to achieve the state of pure humble ingenuity. It is limitless in what you can create, and in English we would call this path "your set of morals". In it's most simple form, the Dharma is your own creation of morals for you to follow that will inherit the thirst for Nirvana. By creating this system, Gautama believed that the world would live to be a better place and last for eternity, because no life would have gone in vein if their own efforts were to better themselves and end suffering as we know it.
It all starts somewhere, and it is the acknowledgement of your surroundings and respect for every aspect of life that will put you on your own path.
I'm not a Shintoist, so I don't believe everything houses a soul, but I do believe that everything created by either man, machine, or the natural world should be respected. Everything around us is built like clockwork and placed in such a perfect spot, that it must be 100% correct to create regular, everyday-life as it is known. If one thing was out of place, things would be much different. Different in an almost unrecognizable way.
I encourage all of my friends and relatives to enjoy the little things in life, because I feel it is all too-common that we take these things for granted.
Surely, we cannot take the time to enjoy every aspect of our world in every moment in time, but recognizing that we need to acknowledge the respect these things deserve is of the utmost importance.
In everyone's lifetime, they will seek humble ingenuity in one form or another. To be a truly humble person, as far as I know from my own experiences, it takes;
- 0% Pride
- 0% Desire
- 100% Acknowledgement
It is a very painful and long process, and Buddhists spend their lives attempting to achieve this incredulous feat., but unfortunately it seems it is never destined to happen for them. This may seem like a failed attempt, but the concept itself is a trick!
The Buddha designed this system of Nirvana not only because it was possible, but it was so the world could live in peace and prosperity for eternity. You do not need to achieve Nirvana, per se (at least for every individual), you just need to live the Dharma to help shape the world into a massive sanctuary in itself.
The Dharma is the path that you design and create to achieve the state of pure humble ingenuity. It is limitless in what you can create, and in English we would call this path "your set of morals". In it's most simple form, the Dharma is your own creation of morals for you to follow that will inherit the thirst for Nirvana. By creating this system, Gautama believed that the world would live to be a better place and last for eternity, because no life would have gone in vein if their own efforts were to better themselves and end suffering as we know it.
It all starts somewhere, and it is the acknowledgement of your surroundings and respect for every aspect of life that will put you on your own path.
Monday, June 13, 2011
To Every End; New Beginnings
Ah yes, the sweet smell of fresh web-page. Such a vast world for me to explore, not only the interface itself but for myself. Blogging is such a foreign concept to me, but I can find some similarities in between it and my usual storytelling and writing.
Although, there is a gut-wrenching twist to the sheer bliss of satisfaction:
Turmoil.
For everyday that we live, we are doing something in somebody's perspective as "wrong". We are not truly created equal in interests and personality, and because of this we (the people) will always have conflicting motives and fascinations. Be it Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses S. Grant, two iconic men in America's short history. Growing up just as another boy in town, the two rose to be great people in the eyes of their ruled masses.
Take it from another person's perspective. People found Ulysses S. Grant as a hero for declaring independence from the Union (North-Eastern America), while others found him as the very sin they tried to avoid. Undoubtedly, people felt the same ways about Abraham Lincoln, alleged "legendary" president of the United States.
Two insignificant people rose to the top-tier to drive America into a spiraling grave, forever leaving an impact on the United States with viewed negative effects and positive effects. As seen from the world of today and yesteryear, people will always believe in and feel passionate about different people, ideas, fascinations, and personalities. Simply nothing can be done, so the only left to do, naturally, would be to sit-aside and let nature do it's work.
Wrong.
I felt the empowerment to create this blog because I believe every individual has the right to voice themselves, in the essential fact that they don't need a democratic, communist, republican, or parliamentary government to do so. We hold the divine right to do as we please under the rule of no man, for the ideas of fact, fiction, order, and law are simply creations of the human mind, and nothing more.
By this point, you can assume I've caught your attention. Let me tell you and the rest of the world around you a little bit about myself that you can't find anywhere else.
I enjoy the things life has to offer in it's most basic form. Love and peace is what brings the world together, and that is how I view it. Simply as a perspective. I believe the world can be a place of unspoken horrors, yet it can transition to unfathomable beauty. Such an interesting place that we live in, isn't it?
I live my life as would a Buddhist, though I can't come up to my fears and reveal to my most immediate family that how I live is not true to theirs. I'm only human and I feel the need to hate, though I work my mind to shun the feeling of it. I'm a simple person with simple needs, though they may take a toll on the lives around me, more-so in a positive way.
I'm no idol, I can guarantee you. I'm a failure in the eyes of an important few. I've failed myself and one of my most sacred goals just recently, and I've deceived my own morals. Such is life in the world of the living, and it is the taxing price we pay to have the luxury to stay the way we are now. Breathing.
"I believe I am all of the things above, and nothing less. We all see things no one else will ever see, nor will they understand. Maybe we don't want to know what's on the other side. We will never be all of the things we want to be, but we can always try," I once said to a friend in dire need. I take that quote for myself and lock it away in a corner of my mind, the safest place I have on my entire being. What are we without our own thoughts and expressions?
With expression comes social interaction, that is always fact. We can't express ourselves without screaming out to the world, crying, and extending our vocal cords at full capacity, preaching the "word".
I want to go out in the streets of Chicago, preferably Millennium Park one day. I just want to stand there, in the middle of all the commotion, and scream at the top of my lungs, "I am not the man you want me to be! Accept me for who I am!"
I say to myself, do it... What is holding you back? The truth is, we have an invisible force that mimics a solid wall, keeping us from doing the things we want to do. The social norms that we are bound to will never let us travel to the distant edges of our own self-discovery, and find what we most want to uncover. It only takes the will-power to break through these invisible barriers projected through our persistent fear, and reach out to the open world and simply soak it in.
I end my day saying to myself, "I just want to live. I don't want to die." I don't literally interpret myself as an immortal force, but I don't want to spend my days dying in a shell of regrets. When the day comes that I actually have spent all of my days, I want to lay on my death-bed knowing that I lived to my full potential. Living in peace is the only thing I could ever, really, truly want.
Everything that races through my mind is such a blur, yet I truly hope I can record my own travels on this blog for others to read and seek empowerment to do the things they've always wanted to do. Money and fear, on top of social norms, will never hold you back from discovering yourself as the humble person you've always wanted to be.
So I bring myself to you, and congratulate you for delving into my deepest thoughts. I truly hope you will continue to cycle through my mind and live with your own being through my own experiences.
- Well, we mix words together to form meanings in both forms of literature.
- Deeper meanings and venting will always ensue
- Most of all, we (the individual) are unheard
Although, there is a gut-wrenching twist to the sheer bliss of satisfaction:
Turmoil.
For everyday that we live, we are doing something in somebody's perspective as "wrong". We are not truly created equal in interests and personality, and because of this we (the people) will always have conflicting motives and fascinations. Be it Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses S. Grant, two iconic men in America's short history. Growing up just as another boy in town, the two rose to be great people in the eyes of their ruled masses.
Take it from another person's perspective. People found Ulysses S. Grant as a hero for declaring independence from the Union (North-Eastern America), while others found him as the very sin they tried to avoid. Undoubtedly, people felt the same ways about Abraham Lincoln, alleged "legendary" president of the United States.
Two insignificant people rose to the top-tier to drive America into a spiraling grave, forever leaving an impact on the United States with viewed negative effects and positive effects. As seen from the world of today and yesteryear, people will always believe in and feel passionate about different people, ideas, fascinations, and personalities. Simply nothing can be done, so the only left to do, naturally, would be to sit-aside and let nature do it's work.
Wrong.
I felt the empowerment to create this blog because I believe every individual has the right to voice themselves, in the essential fact that they don't need a democratic, communist, republican, or parliamentary government to do so. We hold the divine right to do as we please under the rule of no man, for the ideas of fact, fiction, order, and law are simply creations of the human mind, and nothing more.
By this point, you can assume I've caught your attention. Let me tell you and the rest of the world around you a little bit about myself that you can't find anywhere else.
I enjoy the things life has to offer in it's most basic form. Love and peace is what brings the world together, and that is how I view it. Simply as a perspective. I believe the world can be a place of unspoken horrors, yet it can transition to unfathomable beauty. Such an interesting place that we live in, isn't it?
I live my life as would a Buddhist, though I can't come up to my fears and reveal to my most immediate family that how I live is not true to theirs. I'm only human and I feel the need to hate, though I work my mind to shun the feeling of it. I'm a simple person with simple needs, though they may take a toll on the lives around me, more-so in a positive way.
I'm no idol, I can guarantee you. I'm a failure in the eyes of an important few. I've failed myself and one of my most sacred goals just recently, and I've deceived my own morals. Such is life in the world of the living, and it is the taxing price we pay to have the luxury to stay the way we are now. Breathing.
"I believe I am all of the things above, and nothing less. We all see things no one else will ever see, nor will they understand. Maybe we don't want to know what's on the other side. We will never be all of the things we want to be, but we can always try," I once said to a friend in dire need. I take that quote for myself and lock it away in a corner of my mind, the safest place I have on my entire being. What are we without our own thoughts and expressions?
With expression comes social interaction, that is always fact. We can't express ourselves without screaming out to the world, crying, and extending our vocal cords at full capacity, preaching the "word".
I want to go out in the streets of Chicago, preferably Millennium Park one day. I just want to stand there, in the middle of all the commotion, and scream at the top of my lungs, "I am not the man you want me to be! Accept me for who I am!"
I say to myself, do it... What is holding you back? The truth is, we have an invisible force that mimics a solid wall, keeping us from doing the things we want to do. The social norms that we are bound to will never let us travel to the distant edges of our own self-discovery, and find what we most want to uncover. It only takes the will-power to break through these invisible barriers projected through our persistent fear, and reach out to the open world and simply soak it in.
I end my day saying to myself, "I just want to live. I don't want to die." I don't literally interpret myself as an immortal force, but I don't want to spend my days dying in a shell of regrets. When the day comes that I actually have spent all of my days, I want to lay on my death-bed knowing that I lived to my full potential. Living in peace is the only thing I could ever, really, truly want.
Everything that races through my mind is such a blur, yet I truly hope I can record my own travels on this blog for others to read and seek empowerment to do the things they've always wanted to do. Money and fear, on top of social norms, will never hold you back from discovering yourself as the humble person you've always wanted to be.
So I bring myself to you, and congratulate you for delving into my deepest thoughts. I truly hope you will continue to cycle through my mind and live with your own being through my own experiences.
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