I've Got Some Things

While I was taking a break from my work, I launched Half-Life 2 from my Steam library. Half-Life 2 is a First-Person Shooter/Adventure game that takes place in a dystopian future where the fate of humanity appears to be grim. You play the role of Gordon Freeman, who is mysteriously released from a sort of Time Stasis from a man in a pale blue suit, using a syncopated annunciation to his words.

"Wake up and... Smell the ashes."

The game itself is a continuation of the previously transpired plot of Half-Life 1 (1998), which was the high-standard setting milestone for computer gaming, and what was to become mainstream console gaming. Every now and then, I get a taste for the original Half-Life series instead of the usual Counter-Strike: Source or Garry's Mod, so I play through either game to my liking. I chose Half-Life 2 because of the rich and extremely deep story that can branch out to anything. I often use the basis of the setting in the game as well as the atmosphere for much of my fictional pieces.

After launching the game, I was prompted with one saved point in the game. Mind you, the game had been sitting on my computer without being touched for nearly two years. I loaded the game, and it sent me to the phase where the player is sent to Ravenholm, an abandoned factory-city set in what appears to be Ukraine, as well as the rest of the game. It is on the outskirts of the Mega Cities where humans are situated by an oppressing alien force known universally as the Combine. The outskirts of these cities are deadly wastelands, laden with radioactive material, lunatics, Combine patrols and Xenian creatures (Another alien force that was unwillingly brought to Earth during the events of Half-Life 1).

Ravenholm is overrun by Zombie-like humans who have been subjected as hosts to a crab-like parasite that latches on to your head and controls your body, usually causing the subject to attack biological lifeforms. When I entered my saved game, I was positioned on top of one of the scenic points in the phase, where a dark and chilling atmosphere could be felt instantly.

The realization that places like these all over the world have become silent death traps to any survivors and refugees is all too real for a video game like that. Almost instantaneously, a thought, an idea, rushed through my head. Conflicts and settings crossed my minds and a artificial atmosphere became clear in my mind.

This is how I prefer to find inspiration, through art I can interact with.

Long Time No See

It's been a long time since I've last made the decision to waste hours of my time writing words down for a near empty blog no one will ever read wholeheartedly. I've gone through a stump of depression since I've last made a post, and my outlook on life has suffered greatly. The world, to me, is horrible- I can admit that openly but I want to believe there is still legitimate goodness in the world, but I have yet to discover it.

I don't consider myself restricted by society, and I certainly appreciate the things that I have as I don't want to come off as a smug, conceited intellectual, but I feel as though I've been cheated by the people who have been supposed to guide me in learning. When I say learning, I speak in the sense of learning that applies to general "parenting", though not literally.

Banksy-esque art that is evercliche

I've delved deep into the human mind and have begun studying many aspects of psychology, that is one milestone I can admit to that I'm actually proud of. Pride is very minimal in my case, as I've not done anything to have a sense of it. Life, to me, must be earned. Needles to say, I haven't earned it thus far and I feel like I haven't even started on the right path to earning respect, pride, and life.

If you ever care to come back, I promise that you won't be disappointed. The written word is the only tool I have to express myself.

Life is a game of winners

Musings

I'm worn out.

Things have been eating away at me for a while now, and I just can't believe I haven't been proactive about cutting all of those things off of me. I've got some serious problems with my only Grandparents, class work of course, and just general stress.

My Dad has high blood pressure, so he can get pretty damn stressed too, and it's certainly not healthy. I know from experience. I can recall one time that I had come home from a sleepover with my friend years ago and I entered my house, asking where everyone was. My Sister came running down, looking at me with a concerned look in her eye.

"Tata is in the Hospital," She said.

"What- What do you mean?" I was frantic, and I immediately began bursting in tears. For all I know, at my young age, my Dad could have been dying, suffered from a serious accident, or any other cause for hospitalizing someone.

As the tears ran down my face, my Sister hugged me immediately, comforting me.

"He's going to be okay, it's nothing too serious." The stress inside didn't release one bit, but I became rational again. I smeared my tears across my face with my sweatshirt. It was that time of the year where you would where the semi-warm clothes over your T-Shirt and a pair of jeans, usually nothing more. When the snow is nearly done melting, leaving patches here and there and slush everywhere else. A fairly ugly time of the year, gloomy.

As things winded down, I became no less worried. We visited my Dad in the hospital, where we could finally see him. He looked relaxed, and had a wide smile strewn across his face. I couldn't stand seeing him connected to monitoring machines, data-collectors, and IV bags, as it reminded me of my Mom when she was going through Cancer. It wasn't easy for me to cope, and I jumped to my Dad, immediately hugging and him and clenching the sides of his chest. I never believed I would let go, hell... They would have had to pry me off if my Dad didn't tell me to sit down. He's always assertive and respectful, no matter what condition. So, naturally I'll respect him because it was my only job as a kid.

We sat down, and my mind raced with my eyes as I recollected myself and swung my head around the room. I must admit, I did feel a warming feeling seeing my Dad, though it was sort of a mixed-blessing. On one hand I could see my Dad was going to be okay and it was only a minor issue, but on the hand I can see him connected to all of these machines that dying people are connected to, like my Mom did.

She battled Breast Cancer for many years until she finally couldn't take it anymore. She died in 2003, on February 23. We saw her every single day she was in the hospital, though she was able to spend time home when she was healthy. She had been healthy for a long period of her time with cancer, but when she was sick it was devastating. I don't remember a whole from my Mom because she died when I was 7, but I have a pretty good comprehension of her. I only wish I knew more, but I live with the experiences I had with her.

On a lighter and unrelated note; I may be purchasing my own domain name for my blog. This way, I can sure all of my artwork, pictures, writing, and my journal entries. Stay in touch!

For Those Wondering...

I'm not dead, and I probably haven't been updating this Blog as much as I should. The last time I made a post was in June, I think. Or July. I'm not mentally available right now as education is taking up a modest amount of my time, rendering me incapable of thinking beyond 5:00 p.m. every day.

This year has got a lot of awesome changes coming with it, can't wait to to observe the ever-changing world once again! Though, on a lighter note I just got some new hardware for computer, picked them up from Newegg.com (amazing store, extremely reliable).

)Help! Album cover by the Beatles)

Earlier today, was walking around campus during my free time and some guy came up to me, asking me if I knew how to get to a rather easy to identify intersection. I though to myself, come on man, you can't miss it. How big of an oaf must you be to miss the most busy intersection around here? But then I thought about things from his perspective, how frantic things must be for him in a foreign area. I've felt the same way many-a-times before, so why not cut him some slack?

"Sure," I said. "Follow West Lake and take right, you'll be right on it."

I felt good, helping someone out with a menial task. I often find that helping others can not only benefit others around you, but it can promote strong mental health and even benefit yourself (Granted, helping others shouldn't be looked at from a selfish perspective, you help to assist others!).

I suggest trying to help out with your community as much as you can, you never know what might come around your way in the future. Anyways, what say you Internet?

Long Days

I woke up this morning at around 6:30, and went to work. Something about the day was just grueling, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Ever had that feeling before?

It was as if I couldn't escape my fears and I was constantly being chased by a dark feeling. I figured I was simply depressed, and I was unable to enjoy the day. To this hour, I still don't know what that feeling was, but it was something different. I have never experienced it before.

I think that people need to enjoy a good day every now and then to relieve stress, which is fairly straight-forward. But- Is enjoying your day enough to relieve stress? Things are bottled up inside of you that can only be released through expression. Be it through words or through actions.

Some, more insane people, choose to relieve stress through anger and hate. I've read about many people that go on shooting sprees, releasing all of their hate on their peers by slaughtering them through the halls of schools. Was it put onto him by his own friends? Maybe... But we can't take responsibility off of each and every person that does something judged by societal law as "wrong".

Take the time to relieve stress through a pillow, or even kick some damn wood with your feet in your garage! I don't care, just please don't bring your anger onto the streets of your city. Happiness goes as far as hatred. Do the actions that you believe will make you a better person, and take it to greater lengths by helping your own community.

Do the opposite, and hate, for it will act as a plague that spreads through every person.

Quite The Storm...

The past two days have been brutal. I've been bailing out water from my house, constantly lighting candles, kick-starting my generator, and cooling my food. The Chicago area is practically without electricity, spare the lucky few places that have it. A massive storm rolled through just yesterday.

It was so rapid, I didn't even know what was going on for half of it. I couldn't even estimate the wind speeds and the amount of rainfall in the mere 10 minutes of the actual storm. Surprisingly, the storm ended shortly after it died down (in total the ordeal was about 20 minutes). In that grueling 20 minutes, cars were given the fate of immovable 5 hour traffic, horrendous tree-laden roads, knocked over power lines, and satellite dishes running rapid throughout the sidewalks. I've never seen so much destruction in such a short amount of time, but luckily my area had the weakest hit of all of the areas in Chicago. We are still without electricity and any form of power. The only place I have now is the public library which thankfully offers free internet. My laptop has never been so necessary until now.

I didn't catch much sleep last night because of all of the commotion, so I tried as hard as I could today to maintain a healthy equilibrium by napping when acceptable and exercising when the situation warrants it. I sit here now, at the public library, thinking of how dependent our city is on artificial power. In this case, electricity. Come to think of it, most of the world is consumed by energy. Our drive for convenience will take us far, not only positively but more often than not, negatively. I truly believe the saying "When you really want something, you'll really go after it". It some-what expresses human nature, in a sense.

When a human being goes after something, the prize of the chase is imprinted in your brain. Our mind begs us to catch the prize and cherish it, and to never run out of it. In this case, the race is for the prize of electricity, a very powerful concept. The question that is stagnant; How far will we go to chase our prize?

Surely, we can wage wars and kill for our prize, but is there a better solution? Can we live without electricity (in this case) at all? There must be an alternative, the Universe is infinite and without an end in any direction. With my own electricity coming back (promisingly) later today, I can only hope I find an answer to this question.

Though, it's going to be hard walking back to my home in the heavy rain.

Spare Change

It's a damn hot day today, and the heat is almost unbearable. I haven't seen a day like this in Chicago in many a month, and I can safely say I'm happy for the change, despite the heat. I don't boast complaints, but I can assume not everyone enjoys the blistering hot sunlight beating down on us, though I guess we just have to appreciate it as change.

I rode my bike a few miles the other day, circling around neighborhoods and the like, and examining the different lifestyles and the variation between them. I enjoy variation, and I realized that without, our world would be very bland, and we would not have the wonderful things that we have today. Naturally, we humans are accustom to one thing over a long period of time, but for the significant other, change is a welcome feeling. To everyone else, it may seem as a challenge to overcome (which is perfectly acceptable).

Change is symbolic of the living world holding the freedom to do what is desired and build on it, either by improving it or copying it. Living in a place where every little aspect of regular-day life is the same, forever, will surely be a drag. Picture in your mind heading down to work every single day, getting the same cup of coffee, talking to the same people with the same conversations, every day for the rest of your life. It doesn't sound fun, and we would die the same way we lived, which in some cases is a severely negative issue.

Really the whole thing that sparked my creative interest in the subject of change was a pile of loose coins someone left on a park bench.

I guess I have a tendency to think abstractly.